Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

Over the last few days, I read a few articles in regard to the long-distance relationship. The best reading I found is 'Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship' by Liba Pearson. Well, I agreed with most of the arguments in this article, especially the point that information technology has definitely led people to believe that long-distance relationships will work more than in the past. But, what the best of the article is the argument that the quality of communication is more important than the frequency of it, no matter which method you use.

Agreed - those of us who've tried long distance relationships can all attest: it's hard.

True, building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one. The article recommends those in love with one in miles away can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by defining your expectations in advance. For instance, unless you're looking for a casual, non-exclusive relationship, at some point, one of you is going to have to move. That can add a whole lot of stress to your already strained couplehood. So, from the beginning, set out a game plan. - but, can any one of us move??

What I need to remember from the reading is I can't compare a long-distance relationship to one based on physical proximity. Although simple companionship and connectedness is the critical parts of a relationship, I have to prepare myself for the absence of my love's warmth, smile and all the wonders of non-verbal communication

Freaking out........definitly I do.........some people may think when their love and they were separated for a few weeks, they drove their love absolutely crazy because they needed to talk to their love for most of the time. I discovered this when somehow if my love skipped a few SMSs and I went freaking out. I felt millions of miles away from my love, unloved, uncared for, forgotten... and I was not sure my love have had an accident and that's why my love couldn't reply me.

OK, what I am learning now is - missing a day/a week or a few does not indicate relationshipial jeopardy. If a SMS or an e-mail doesn't arrive, do not assume that my love has run off with the handsome guys or been hijacked.

What I also learn from this reading is we need to discuss the communication needs and limits. It's likely that one side will need more communication more than the other. If I want more contact than my love, try to be less demanding.If I need less, try to be a little more communicative than I might tend to be. Try to reach a point in the middle.

The reading also maintains that e-mail is a wonderful invention for separated loved ones, but the article also reminds me to be careful about relying on e-mail to resolve conflicts. The problem here is that e-mail feels as casual as a phone call, but it's permanent. In SMSs and emails, words are in black and white - tone, intentions and content can all be easily misconstrued and misunderstood.

Before the modern technology was born, people kept in long-distant contact by writing words on a letter - not many people do this now, but I do because you can keep this forever. Your love will see your efforts in the relationship (Sorry, SMSs cannot compare to letters)

Ultimately, communication is the key to long-distance love. The article teachs me I have to talk lots about everything, from how to deal with times when I feel lonely, to how I will overcome fears and anxieties. It's also important to keep your partner involved in your daily life. The reading stated that "news like your car breaking down might sound boring to you, but it's those little details that keep you connected". Anyways, I know communication is the survival of a relationship - in fact, in all type of relationship.

等...

「等... 寂寞到夜深。夜已漸荒涼、夜已漸紛暗。莫道你在選擇人，人亦能選擇你。公平，全沒半點偏心。」《等 － 陳百強》

等...你喜歡等的感覺嗎?

「等」是帶著希望，憧景，焦躁與不安。

由小到成長，等彷彿像我的密友一樣，一直跟隨左右。

等...童年時候，等媽媽從醫院裏探望完病重的祖母後回來...
等...小學時候，等學期尾成績公佈後的機會獲得電子遊戲機...
等...會考高考後，等放榜升上大學...
等...大學時等待快些完成學位， 投身社會...
等...初出茅廬，碰正金融風暴，工作的待遇不好。唯有等經濟轉好，等一份好的工作機會...
等...坐滿「移民監」，等拿取澳洲護照那天...
等...讀博士學位的時候，努努力力辛苦地做研究，等畢業那天...
到現左...等...等我的愛人不定期和不肯定的來臨，等著上天賜予的見面機會...

等了，又等，再等... 等等等...

所有的都是「被動」的等，不可自已決擇的等。

如果我能活到六十、七十歲的話，我已差不多花了上半生在「等」...

有些「等」，靠自已努力捱下去，一定會等到結束的一天來臨。但有些「等」，等到最後也不能保証會開花結果...

試問誰會喜愛「等」的感覺？我猜沒有人會喜歡去「等」。 老實說，在這快速世界裏，沒有許多人會有這樣的耐性去等候一些事情或人。

年紀已經不小，但我仍願意等下去，因為我相信我在「等」的是有價值、有意義、有將來、是永恆的。

我也敢說我跟很多人比較，我更清楚「等」的感受。

愛於咫尺正在等 - 我希望我這種「等」的心情和情緒可以被明白。我也希望那股「等不到」而產生的失落和落寞感受亦可以被真正理解。

我相信，只要凡事將心比己，嘗試調換角色或從別人處境看看， 你就體會到別人的感受。

深秋的日子

一年四季之中，我最愛就是秋天。

秋天，它沒有春天萬物重生的明媚，沒有夏天多姿多采的活躍，也沒有冬天那種死寂荒涼的感覺。走過了炎夏，還沒有嚴寒冬季之前，秋天就帶給了清爽涼意，在同時候也帶來淡淡哀愁的感覺。這也許就是秋季獨特之處。今天跟你一起走在深秋中的Sydney大街上，靜靜看着樹上飄下來和滿街的枯委楓葉，就滿是這種感覺。

本身不是秋天出生的，所以在道理上性格應該沒有受種秋天的氣節影響。但每當秋天來臨，那一種哀愁寂寞的情緒，就會無意中走出來。你玩的塔羅牌結果說我只是一種表面快樂，內心並不真正快樂，我想就是這樣意思吧！

一個人性格與思想，我相信除了天生的打造之外，後天的生路歷程也是有著很重要的影響。在性格而言，天生的缺乏安全感的巨蟹座一向是很敏感，什麼風吹草動也會引起它的注意。蟹蟹也是有很强自我保護的能力，當它發現有什麼不對勁，它就會好好把自己完全保護起來。在後天而言，後天的每一次的教訓，也漸漸地會對一些事情失去應有信心。也許年紀大了，人也變得越來越小心。也越來越怕對一個人太在乎，太悉心栽種，全力灌注，而最後所得的只有枯枝。愛情，很多說像花。這倒也是沒錯，愛情有它保鮮期 - 它最好時會開得很美麗， 而它可以燦爛多久就要視乎它是那一類，而它會有枯委的一天。就算你勉強要把它留下來變成乾花， 你留著了它， 但你留不住的原貌，不會返回原來的一樣。

很多人說現代的愛情就是你愛一個人就別要奢望和他走得太長久，什麼「不在乎天長地久， 只在乎曾經擁有。」就成為都市人很好的藉口。從後現代戀愛模式的角度去看, 兩個人走在一起，從來就是自願的、沒有約束。你要管着他，他只會說你很煩，約束和控制著他的個人自由。 ... 也許，在這世上，要適應才能夠在這愛海中生存吧!

也許當你發現另一半到外尋找認識新朋友, 感覺當然很擔心, 但你也許不用驚啞。這是給你一個你明確的訊息，你愛他還比他愛你多 － 他還沒有全心全意地愛著你。你的出現還沒有把他的心留下來，他還依戀那五光十色的感情追逐生活，他還想測試自已的魅力是否還可以找一個更好的。但我很相信, 這類人都是一生尋覓而最後到年華老去却是孤單一人和一無所得，因為他已經錯失曾經的對他好又深愛着他的人。

不知不覺，天氣漸漸轉冷，但我希望秋天不會太長久，也希望不會是我一生裏的季節。